I'm taking a trip home in July, and when I come back I'll have just 9 months left. It's costing, well, a lot. But it feels something like necessary.
I've changed in Paraguay. As much as we like to think we are strong enough to be who we are, no matter what, the truth is we are where we are, we are the people we're with, we are others' reactions to us. In most cases, without realizing it, we become who our environments tell us we are.
People treat you just a smidgen less than human, or more than a smidgen. You can only laugh it off for so long. You think you're still laughing it off, until you realize you've become introverted. You want to stay home. You want to be with the few people who treat you, fully, as if you're another person. You don't want to be among the stares, anymore. You don't want to hear their voices, talking to you in the same voice as you would a child, then repeating your responses loudly and have a jolly round of laughter, minus you.
I've grown tired of it. I don't want to be out, listening to someone else's music, speaking someone else's language, sitting there, unintroduced. When I do go, I usually just sit there, the only one not laughing at the jokes said in speedy Guaraní, hanging on to Oscar's arm, and I want to sleep before it's even 11.
There are six Paraguayans who treat me like I'm a real-live human being. They make it alright. Other than that, I am the joke. I am that girl. Unless I'm in my house, alone, which has become my preferred spot. I didn't used to be like this.
The old me comes out over Skype, talking to my sister, my mom, my old friends. I have a distant memory of being the funny one. Of course I've provided a lot of laughs for Paraguayans, but there's that crucial "laughing at" versus the "laughing with" component.
In a way, I'm going home to visit my old self, seen through the faces of the people who are glad to see me. I'm a true friend there. I'm a sister. I'm a daughter. I'm an aunt. I can leave the foreign kid behind, go home and, for 22 days, be myself again.
Stories of NOW RETURNED Peace Corps Volunteer Paulita, former couch potato who left America seeking a little relief from long-term effects of exposure to American culture and a life that actually feels like living. Would she find it? Read on to find out. Not an official Peace Corps page. Also, the things stated here are of my own opinion. Wish I had more time to edit this, but that's the way the mop flops. Enjoy all the same.
Necessary Vocab
Ao Poí: Guaraní for “fine cloth”, this is the craft produced in Yataity and other areas of Paraguay
Bombilla: Straw from drinking mate or terere, made from metal or other material and with a filter on the bottom
Chuchi: Fancy or fufu or expensive
Cocido: A hot drink made from burning yerba and sugar with a piece of carbon and mixing with water or milk
Guampa: Vessel for drinking terere
Guapo/-a: Usually this means attractive in Spanish, but here it means hardworking
Guaraní: Indigenous language of Paraguay
Huerta: Vegetable garden
Lindo: Pretty or neat
Mate: Like terere but with hot water
Sin Vergüeza: Without shame. This could be used as an adjective or a noun, that someone is a sin vergüeza, someone without shame.
Terere: National pastime/beverage of Paraguay, drank with yerba in a guampa and cold water poured for every turn
Yerba: Plant grown in Paraguay and ground up to make terere, cocido or mate
Bombilla: Straw from drinking mate or terere, made from metal or other material and with a filter on the bottom
Chuchi: Fancy or fufu or expensive
Cocido: A hot drink made from burning yerba and sugar with a piece of carbon and mixing with water or milk
Guampa: Vessel for drinking terere
Guapo/-a: Usually this means attractive in Spanish, but here it means hardworking
Guaraní: Indigenous language of Paraguay
Huerta: Vegetable garden
Lindo: Pretty or neat
Mate: Like terere but with hot water
Sin Vergüeza: Without shame. This could be used as an adjective or a noun, that someone is a sin vergüeza, someone without shame.
Terere: National pastime/beverage of Paraguay, drank with yerba in a guampa and cold water poured for every turn
Yerba: Plant grown in Paraguay and ground up to make terere, cocido or mate
My address
Paulita
Cuerpo de Paz
Yataity, Guaira
5140
Paraguay
Cuerpo de Paz
Yataity, Guaira
5140
Paraguay
3 comments:
dear paulita , i have been following your blog for long time now,is been really fun at times and really hard to read at others, please get in touch i will love it if you ever in london to meet for chat about that place i called home
all the best
alcidesgauto@mac.com
Seeeeestor! We can't wait to see you and I will bet you $50 that Peter makes you laugh within your first 3 minutes together. You ARE the funny one, some people just don't get it. And some people are just assholes. You are kind and funny and make me laugh so hard I cry. Don't ever forget how lovely you are. Your environment does not define you. YOU define you. I'm sorry that you don't have fun people to laugh and play with.
Keep your head up and always remember that you don't have to extend! Love!
~Stateside Seeeeeeestor
I wish I'd seen your blog before tonight. Yeah yeah- strangers aren't as good for comfort as folks you actually know, but when they speak the same language you do, and will only ever know you as the funny one-- well maybe it helps a little.
Glad you're still writing here. It sounds like it was a life changing experience, and life lasts beyond just a week, a month, a year after the experience itself has ended. And at the very least: A stranger in Waukesha, WI is really digging reading your thoughts and reflections on this trip, and nobody wants to let down a Wisconsinite. We're full of too much too roly-poly, down home Americana huggableness.
Post a Comment